THE END TO NICHOLAS AND MATT

The journey was long [atleast for me]
I was constantly under this.


As always, the comments are always open for criticism and comments –
it is there for you to vent about the storyline, long breaks in between the
chapters and updates.

Chapter Eighteen

Ch 18: The art of kissing


Fingers. Someone's fingers caressing my face, and then moving over my
hair. I smiled, even before opening my eyes. I knew that touch. The
ever-so-light touch, the touch that would always leave traces of heat on my
skin and cause my heart to melt.

"Matt," I called out to him quietly, barely making out the outline of his
body in the darkness of the room. By the way air moved against my skin, I
more sensed than saw, that he knelt next to the couch. His hand moved some
more, continuing to stroke my face with a light touch.

"I couldn't sleep...not without you," he whispered. I reached out to him,
touching his cheek. He shivered a bit, speeding up my slow brain.

"Would you like to..." I didn't even have to finish my sentence. Matt
nodded against my hand, and then shifted himself towards the couch. I
lifted the blankets and he slid in next to me, reaching his arms around me
as I embraced him. I felt his hair brushing against my forehead as he moved
closer to me in the darkness, and his breath on my face as his lips found
mine. We started kissing very gently, very tenderly. His lips were so soft,
as I pressed mine against them, longingly exploring his mouth. He was
returning my advances, as we slowly, very slowly continued to make out in
the dark. His hand nested pleasantly on my back, and I kept mine on the
back of his neck, caressing his hair. There was no rush in our moves; we
were kissing, so lovingly and slowly, as though we had all the time in the
world. Both of us fell into a wonderful harmony of touching, kissing and
being with each other, enjoying each other's closeness. I loved the way his
body felt next to mine, and I loved the way his hands moved on my back as
he kept himself close to me. And above all, I loved the way his lips were
pressed against mine, the indescribable, soft firmness of his lips that
tasted so incredibly sweet that it was making me dizzy. His tongue was
gently probing my mouth, asking for more and more. I didn't want him to
stop his explorations, as I tasted his incredible lips. He was returning my
advances, each time pushing for some more. His breath felt hot on my face,
as he was kissing me. Despite being unable to see his eyes in the dark, the
feeling of his hands on my back and his body next to me was enough. As I
was kissing him, I felt a familiar rush in my lower abdomen.

I wanted him.

I wanted him with every fiber of my body, more than I had wanted anybody
else that I had been with so far.  I was intensely aware of every point of
my body that was touching him, as if every one of those places were on
fire. Our chests were pressed firmly against each other, as he was
embracing me. My own breathing became heavy as I was exploring his
mouth. His tongue, tangled with mine, was sending waves of sensation
through my body, that felt as if it was electrical current flowing through
me, from my mouth all the way to my lower abdomen. The sensation of
heaviness started to build in my loins, as my body was reacting to
Matt's. I shifted very slightly, not wanting him to notice how quickly I
was becoming excited. He moved his hands under my shirt, provoking a gasp
from me. The touch... the touch of his hands against my bare skin made me
tingle. He slid his hands on the same spot on my back where they had rested
before, only now he was touching my skin with wide-stretched fingers,
amplifying the feeling of connection, and making me even more
lightheaded. He was making small circles on my back with his hands, driving
me insane with the pleasant, warm sensation that the palms of his hands
were leaving behind. Reluctantly, I pulled my mouth off from his and I
looked at him. He opened his eyes as well, looking at me intently.

His eyes were so wide and very dark with passion. I hadn't ever seen his
eyes so dark and deep. He was devouring me with them, those oceans of blue
that I loved so much. We were looking at each other, being very still for a
moment, just holding each other without saying a word, breathing in each
other's mouth. I was motionless, mesmerized by the unbelievable clarity of
his eyes as he was returning my gaze.

Wait a minute. I could see Matt's eyes.

 The sun was filling the room with bright light, telling me that it was
morning already. We had been making out...for that long?

"Matt..." I whispered.

"Mhmm..." he murmured in response, closing his eyes sleepily and snuggling
next to me.

"Matt...it's morning," I pressed on, feeling a rush of panic. He looked at
me, his eyes opening wide all of the sudden:

"Oh, crap!" he yelled, and jumped from the couch. I had to laugh as I saw
him speeding off in a hurry. Seconds later, he returned and leaned over the
armrest to plant a kiss on my lips, a weird little upside-down kiss that
elicited my laughter.

"Stay right there. Let me go upstairs to `wake up'. I'll be back in a
flash," he smiled and ran off. I shook my head, still chuckling as I
watched him leave in a hurry.

(Matt's point of view)

Wow. That was close. Breathing heavily, I closed the bedroom door behind me
as quietly as I could. With my back braced against the door, I slid onto
the floor, trembling. I could barely suppress a nervous, almost hysterical
chuckle. Nicholas and I, sneaking kisses and making out in the middle of the
night, as if we were a couple of kids. I touched my lips with shaky
fingers. I wasn't trembling from the fear of being caught by my parents, or
from being cold. I was trembling, like so many times in the past couple of
days, from the sheer rush that I was feeling coursing through me. My
lips...my lips were on Nicholas's...almost the entire night. I could feel
that they were swollen, and almost numb from being affixed to his for so
long. And I could still feel them, I could still feel Nicki's lips on mine,
a weird phantom sensation that had nothing to do with reality; and yet it
was hard to believe that I was in my room, alone, and not downstairs with
him. It was hard to believe in a lot of things that happened in the past
day. I grabbed my head with both hands, closing my eyes. My hands could
still feel every ridge of his muscled back, as they were still gliding over
the hot skin of his body.

Oh, his unbelievable body. I extended my arms in front of my eyes, as if I
needed to reassure myself that those hands, my hands, were the ones that
had touched him. I smiled again, seeing how my palms were still
trembling. I closed my eyes, still feeling the warmth of his body on mine,
his strong hands on my skin, his breath, burning hot on my cheeks. A smile
broke across my face as I recalled how I couldn't restrain myself anymore,
and I had let my hands stray under his shirt. I had to feel him, I had to
touch him.  The first touch of his skin on my fingers almost provoked
dizziness. And I could swear that he gasped, very quietly, into my mouth as
my hands were gliding over his back, feeling his smooth skin taut over firm
muscles. His skin was so warm, almost hot under my fingers. Nicholas was
returning my touches with an unbelievable, feather-light caress of his
hands on my face, gently holding me and guiding me, revealing to me this
art of kissing, the art that I had never experienced before in my life, and
now it was taking my breath away, making me magnificently lightheaded. His
tongue very gently probed my mouth, almost as if he were asking for
permission to touch inside my mouth, to touch my tongue.

Only now, when I was physically separated from Nicholas, only now I could
process all the stuff that was happening to me. And I was helpless to even
think about stopping it, to think about it, to give a chance for my brain
to catch up with all the feelings that were overwhelming me. The
breathtaking wave of sensations that was flooding my mind occupied my brain
like a fog. And then...he spoke to me, calling my name in that quiet, husky
voice. I had to come back from my dream-like state, to meet his steady
gaze.

Scorching. His eyes were burning through me, making me shake from emotions
that I couldn't control. He held his hand above my head as he was telling
me something, but I was so focused on those deep, dark eyes, so full of
passion that I couldn't tear my gaze away from them to pay attention to his
words. Only when he reached with his hand and pushed a stray bang of hair
away from my eyes, did I actually hear what he was saying to me. Even then,
it took me a second or two to pull myself together and comprehend what he
was telling me.

It was already morning.

We had been kissing for hours, just kissing, laying there on the living
room couch, and I had no idea how we had let the time slip by so fast and
unnoticeable. I bolted from the couch, leaving Nicholas to chuckle at my
hasty departure, as if I had done something wrong and now I was speeding
off from the crime scene. What he didn't know was that, in that instant
when I jumped up from the couch, I realized that I was hard, and that I had
probably been like that for a very long time under the covers. With my
cheeks burning with embarrassment, I gave him one little last kiss and sped
upstairs.

Safely in my room, I looked down at my tented sleep pants and
smiled. Somehow, this time it did not feel wrong. Not anymore. Quite the
contrary, it felt...very right. As if that were just one more proof, one
more piece of evidence, of what I was feeling about that boy downstairs.

Not a boy. A male. A...man.

I smiled and undressed to get into the shower. I was already stepping into
the shower when I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror. Shocked, I
backed out of the shower and moved closer to the mirror, to confirm what I
was seeing. My lips were red and swollen, attesting vividly to what had
gone on throughout the night. Despite the looming trouble, I grinned at my
reflection in the mirror.

"Yes, that is exactly what was going on," I said to myself triumphantly and
stepped back into the shower.


(Nicholas's point of view)

The sun was shining brightly, reflecting off the snow outside when Matt
came down. Or, I should say, when he came back. I was already putting the
bedding away when I noticed him leaning against the frame of the living
room door. He was smiling, and the sun was sparkling in his blue eyes,
making me stop half-way in my motion. Even across the room, his smile
looked exceptionally radiant.

"Morning," he said, walking across the room and embracing me again. It felt
as though he hadn't even left my side. I hugged him in return, tracing my
hands around his back.

"M'ing," I barely mumbled back, my voice still raspy. I was never a morning
talker, and this morning definitively started early.  He nudged his head
closer to me, somewhat hesitantly, almost as though he were silently asking
me something. Feeling somewhat bad about my grumpy morning manners, I
kissed him, feeling that him smiling under my lips.

"What?" I asked.

"Stubble," he smiled, grazing my chin with his fingers.

"Sorry, I'll shave." I backed my face off from him, as if my beard were
something that could hurt him, but he still rubbed his fingers over my jaw
line.

"No, I like it...maybe you should leave it," he smiled at me.

We moved into the kitchen, where he started to fiddle with the coffee
maker. I watched him, as he got the coffee from the cupboard, and started
the pot. I followed his moves with my gaze, not missing the fact that he
looked much more relaxed than usual. I loved the motions of his body as he
was arranging the stuff in the kitchen. I loved the way his hands would
move, while he was carefully putting coffee grounds in the coffee pot. He
had beautiful hands, as if they were carved from marble by a Renaissance
master, strong and yet refined, as they moved graciously over the
counter. And I loved the way he would slightly tilt his head, his eyes
focused on his tasks, with bangs of his hair falling freely over those
incredible eyes. This is something that I could never get tired of seeing
in the morning, or ever at all. He sat next to me, and I couldn't shake the
feeling that the timid, shy Matt was no longer with me. He was now the Matt
that I loved: full of radiance and energy, which was flowing from him like
a glistening shimmer of light. But the most welcoming change, to me, was in
his eyes. Those eyes, those stormy blue eyes were not casting dark clouds
anymore. Those heavy clouds that would darken his eyes and bring an
agonizing concern in me were gone.

"Nicki?"

I snapped from my daze. Indeed, I was staring at Matt like an idiot, with
an absent-minded smile of contemplation plastered on my face.

"Um, sorry. I was..." I sighed, seeing that he was looking at me puzzled,
obviously intrigued.

"...I got lost in your eyes again," I admitted, quietly.

To my surprise, Matt appeared stunned by the simplicity of my sentence. He
opened his mouth to say something, and then he buried his eyesight
somewhere toward his hands, with his cheeks visibly blushing. I smiled
silently and reached out to touch his face. His cheek felt warm under my
palm as I gently caressed his face. He covered my hand with his own and
slowly lifted his eyes to meet mine.

"Now you know how it is...for me," he whispered when he looked up to
me. Time stood still when he locked his gaze on me. The force of the
feelings that emanated from his eyes pierced me once again, from my head
straight down through my chest to my heart. But it was a lovely sting, the
one I yearned for. It felt as if my heart was caught by an invisible string
that connected us through our eyes, locked as we were just sitting next to
each other, not saying another word.

Several minutes later, Matt's mom and dad walked into the kitchen,
interrupting the silent moment that Matt and I were sharing, just looking
at each other intently. We both pulled back, looking guilty for whatever
reason.

"Morning boys," said James, and we returned the greetings. Even if they had
noticed that something was going on, they didn't mention anything, leaving
the embarrassment to be shared only by Matt and me. Me, especially.

Matt's mom looked into the coffee pot and frowned at Matt: "You should know
better than not to make a tea for your father," she said, adding more
coffee. I stifled a smile, not wanting to laugh out loud. Matt made a face,
mockingly frowning at me.

"Yeah, my dad is bad as you are. Both of you drink that sludge that is
unbearable for us humans."

I smiled at his remark, as Donna placed several cups on the table for us.
"So, what are you going to do today?" James asked both of us. I looked at
Matt, and he seemed as if he was surprised by that simple question as much
as I was. Really, I had no idea. Matt shrugged his shoulders, visibly
expressing what both of us were thinking:

"I don't know. Nothing special, I guess," he replied, looking back at his
father.

"Well, if that's the case, I think Nicholas might enjoy if we pay a visit to
Emmet," said Matt's dad, looking at us. I shrugged my shoulders, agreeing
with his suggestion, but not missing the fact that Matt seemed slightly
confused as to why we needed to see his grandfather again.



(Matt's point of view)


"Matt are you rea –" Mary bust into my room, knocking on the door
simultaneously as she entered. I barely had time to put my shirt on. I shot
her an angry look, watching as she closed the door behind her more gently.

"Were you born in a barn? You could knock," I hissed at her, straightening
the shirt over my body, realizing that the room was silent. I turned to
her. She completely ignored what I had just said, and instead just stared
at me, her eyes bulging out of her head.

"Wow! Look-at-you!" she came closer to me, eyeing me from head to toe. I
shifted around uncomfortably, not used to being looked at like that,
especially not by Mary.  "Have you been...working out?" she reached out to
me, in obvious disbelief, and started to feel my muscles under my new
workout shirt.

I blushed profusely. If I had known that she was about to come in my room,
I wouldn't have put on the shirt that Nicholas gave me. Not even two minutes
ago I had come to my room, following my dad's suggestion to change into
some warm clothes. Then I saw the shirt that Nicholas had bought me, still
laying over the chair where I had left it last night, and a smile broke
over my face. I hadn't bothered to put it away last night. Still grinning,
I grabbed the shirt remembering why I hadn't bothered to stow it away. Last
night...I was busy. As I was about to put it away in my closet, I looked at
it more carefully. I would never buy something like an expensive workout
shirt for myself, and yet now I had one. And I absolutely loved the color!
The deep blue – my favorite. How did he know? I shook my head. Nicki
never ceased to amaze me. I smiled silently to myself, lovingly stroking
the silky material with my fingers, when suddenly I felt the urge to try it
on. I quickly took off my shirt – and that's when Mary burst into my
room.

"Wooow...," she continued to croon, spinning me in front of her as if I
were her personal mannequin. I wiggled away from her arms, frowning, still
feeling terribly self-conscious about the way the shirt was clinging to my
body. But Mary grabbed me by my shoulders and pushed me towards the mirror,
where I was indeed heading only seconds ago, when I was still alone. She
steadied me in front of the mirror, looking at my reflection over my
shoulder.

An angry protest died in my throat as I stared at my reflection, with
not-so subtle surprise. I was never vain enough to check my workout
progress, so what I now saw in the mirror truly came as a surprise.

The blue workout shirt was stretching over muscles that I didn't even know
I had. My pecs were showing, outlined nicely under the blue material,
rounded with the visible changes in my shoulders and arms as well. I
involuntarily touched my chest, feeling the lining of the muscles that were
flowing down my chest. My own biceps flexed at me in the mirror, adding to
my surprise. I had definitively put on some muscle since last time I'd
looked at myself! Mary shook me gently by my shoulders, raising her
eyebrows:

"Little Matty...all grown up," she said, voicing my surprise.

"Yeah, and I don't know what all the fuss is about," I snapped back at her,
trying to hide my discomfort while turning away from the mirror. I was
still feeling a little embarrassed, but that was completely silenced by a
wave of astonishment. I opened my closet and half-stepped in, providing a
little more privacy for myself. That was me in the mirror? My eyebrows
rose, and a silent "wow" crossed my lips as the reflection of my own body
lingered in front of my eyes again. I quickly found a different
shirt. Something less...revealing.

"Oh, I know why you are soooo bashful," Mary drawled behind me, in a very
mocking tone of voice: "Only Nicholas is allowed to touch the goods," she
added, with even more ridicule in her tone, emphasizing his name. I turned
to her, still undressed, furrowing my eyebrows and trying to look angry:

"Yeah. Exactly. So keep your grubby paws off, woman," I hissed back at her
as best I could in my mock anger.

"Oh, please. If I wanted to get my hands on someone, I would rather have
Nicholas than you," Mary teased, rolling on her stomach on my bed, kicking
her feet up in a best high-school-girl manner: "He is soooooo hot!" she
crooned, batting her eyelashes at me.

I hurled my shirt at her: "You touch him, and you will have to deal with
these!" I flexed my arms in front of her, showing off my newly-discovered
biceps.

Mary burst into a salvo of laughter at that, tossing my shirt back at me:
"Put it on! Please...before I die of laughter..."

I gave her another scowl before I donned my shirt, but my lips were already
cracking in a smile. I closed the closet door, and turned to her. She was
still chuckling, quieting down, and then she gave me a warm, content smile.

"Seriously, Matt...he is really good looking," she nodded. I smiled
nervously at that. It was still thoroughly unnerving to think about Nicki
being a part of my life in such a way.

Mary continued, looking somewhat dazed: "Yeah, and he also looks...I don't
know. It's just the way he is looking at you, he seems..."  She hesitated,
seeking the word in her mind.

I cocked my head at her, curiously. Anything regarding Nicholas would
immediately perk my attention.

"I want to say `Fearsome' but that's not the right word...'Dangerous'?
That's even worse..." Mary mused over that a bit more, and then she looked
at me with determination, as she found the word that she was seeking.

"Protective."

 I raised my eyebrows at her, in surprise. She quickly continued, as if she
was trying to soften the harshness of her opinion:

"It's just the way he looks at you!" she shrugged her shoulders, seeing how
I was taken aback with her statement.

I could feel myself blushing profusely. I never really paid attention to
how Nicholas and I look in other people's eyes. I was definitely not used to
having someone paying attention to that. I knew that I could stare at
Nicholas for hours, without even noticing it, or getting tired of the
sight. But the revelation that he was doing the same was mind-boggling. And
then I remembered...this morning...it was just before my parents walked in
the kitchen. We were sitting at the kitchen table when I noticed that he
was staring at me, his eyes getting deeper by the moment, as he had his
gaze locked on mine. But what totally blew my mind was him saying something
so simple, and yet so devastating that it had made me shiver:

"I got lost in your eyes."

That was not something that he thought over and over, waiting for the
proper moment to say it. No. This was a spontaneous insight of his mind,
which shattered my composure for a couple of very long moments. I was just
not used to hear something like that from anyone...especially not from
someone who appeared so composed and in control as Nicholas usually did.

"Um, well..." I stammered, biting my lip. Mary looked at me, seeming
puzzled:

"You hadn't noticed that?"

I shook my head. She laughed at my confused expression:

"No, you wouldn't have, obviously. When you guys gave presents to each
other...I saw him looking at you. He didn't take his eyes off from you, as
if you were his..." she was seeking a word again for a brief
moment. "...his wolf offspring," she finished.

"Do I look like a whelp to you?" I frowned at her in honest disapproval.

"No, you silly puppy," she teased: "It's him...He reminds me of a wolf –
keeping a close eye on his keen," she laughed at me.

I rolled my eyes at all that nonsense and pursed my lips at her.
"Whatever. It seems that you were looking at him more than I did," I
finished, finally putting my shirt on. I didn't want to keep my dad and
Nicholas waiting downstairs.


(Nicholas's point of view)

I went upstairs and knocked on the door of Matt's bedroom. Matt's dad sent
me to get him, since we were supposed to have left several minutes
ago. Matt let me in:

"See? Courteous; not barging into my room like an ill-mannered bull," he
exclaimed, nodding his head toward me. Mary laughed:

"Well, he doesn't know you like I do...and besides, I've seen you
naked. There is nothing to see."

Matt's face instantaneously flared up:

"I was FIVE! And I still bear emotional scars from that event! And I think
that I've had enough of you for today – so hush!"

I glanced varyingly on both of them, but then I saw that Matt's lip is
curling up, revealing that this was part of the usual banter between Mary
and him.

"Um, your dad wants to leave soon," I conveyed the message.

"Yeah, I need to get going too," Mary jumped off the bed:

"Nice to finally meet you Nicholas. I didn't have a chance to say hi, a
couple of weeks ago when you saw me," she said to me, a little bit too
nonchalantly. I cocked my head in a silent question.

"I was Matt's `one-night stand' that you saw in his bed that morning," she
clarified for me. I shook my head, trying to conceal my bewilderment:

"You people need to stop introducing yourselves to me days before I have a
chance to do it myself," I mumbled, provoking laugher from both of them.

"Matt! Do I need to come upstairs myself and drag you away from Nicholas?" I
heard James's voice booming from the bottom of the stairs. Mary covered her
mouth so she wouldn't laugh out loud.

"Ow, you've done it now, Matt...trouble!" she exclaimed, passing between
us. I caught Matt's infuriated gaze that was burning a hole in her back as
he followed her, not missing a chance to grab my hand as we left his room.


(Matt's point of view)

Yet again, I was feeling like a fifth wheel. We were standing in grandpa's
garage, with my dad, my grandfather and Nicholas chatting over Grandpa's
Impala. They had the hood up, and were discussing passionately about
various parts. And, again, it was in a foreign language to me. But the
thing that was bothering me the most was the fact that I couldn't snuggle
next to Nicki in the cold garage. I muttered something to myself, pulling
my jacked tighter around me. Why did my dad think that this was a good
idea? Standing in the freezing cold talking about something
called...optispark? But then I looked at Nicki again, and it actually made
sense. This was definitely his turf: all three of them were avidly talking
about engines and the modification that Nicholas had done to his car; I
realized that this was actually a treat for him. I looked at my dad with a
smile. Sometimes he could really pull a surprise, especially when I
remembered how he was drilling Nicholas when he arrived yesterday.  "It's a
good thing that the two of them are getting along," I sighed with
relief. If that was not the case...I didn't want to explore that
possibility. And apparently Nicholas made the same positive impression on
Emmet as well. Yesterday, I had introduced Nicholas to my grandfather as a
friend from school. That explained enough, but it would take more than that
to explain hugging and...the other stuff that would go on in the garage if
I were to be asked. And Nicholas understood the situation completely; he
would occasionally give me a very intense look, but he kept the distance in
front of my grandfather. Yet even now, in the middle of the passionate
conversation about engine modifications, somehow he managed to stay
connected with me. And that was more than plenty for me. I didn't care if
he was indeed halfway across from the garage, I still felt close to him.

My grandfather beckoned us both back into his house after almost an hour of
torture. Of course I could have gone in there myself, but that would have
meant leaving Nicholas...I smiled to myself. That was not an option. I'd
rather freeze to death.

We all hung around inside for a while, me glued to a heater, until we
needed to go back home. Nicholas and I were planning to leave the next
morning, so we still needed to pack. My grandfather walked us toward the
door, chatting with my dad as I was trailing behind.

"And where do you think you're going, cub?" I heard grandpa's voice as I
was reaching for the door. I turned around in the narrow hallway, letting
my dad pass me on his way out. Nicki was already outside, standing next to
my dad's truck.

"Here...a Christmas present," he clumsily stuffed several bills into my
jacket pocket. I protested, but he shushed me, nodding like he knew
something important.

"So your Nicholas and you can go to movies or a dinner sometimes,"

My jaw dropped. My grandfather never explicitly stated anything about that
side of my life, although he knew about it. And now...he was being all
mushy about it? Giving me money so "Me and my Nicholas could go to movies or
something"? All that must have been painted all over my face, since he
laughed out loud and clapped me on the shoulder, sending me toward the
door.

"What, you think that I don't see what is going on here? I might be
ancient, but I'm not blind," he nodded toward Nicholas with his bushy
eyebrows.

"Grandpa, I – um...Thank you!" I uttered, looking at him.

"Yeah, yeah. Now scram before I change my mind," he yelled after me, waving
to my dad and Nicki. I shook my head in disbelief. What else would this
Christmas bring?



(Nicholas's point of view)


Matt and I were sitting in the airport lobby, waiting for our flight
back. We were sitting next to each other, with our shoulders and thighs
touching, close enough to feel together and still not draw attention. We
both decided that it would be a good idea to go back to school sooner
rather than later, so we could get ourselves prepared for the beginning of
the semester. Although I would've liked to stay at his parents' place
longer, we both knew that we had a lot to do before school started. Yet
despite having agreed on that, both of us were reluctant to leave. Ever
since we left his parents' place this morning, both of looked as though we
weighed a ton. Neither of us spoke too much. I knew what my reason was:
Matt's home seemed like a peaceful oasis that appeared in the middle of the
stormy ocean that was my life, barely more than a day ago. It was a calming
experience, from more than one point of view. "And rewarding," I thought to
myself, glancing over ata Matt, who was sipping his coffee, immersed in his
thoughts. I must have been staring at him for a while, since he turned his
head towards me and smiled. I reached out to him, just to graze his hair
with my fingers, not really caring if anybody was going to see it. And it
seemed that he didn't mind either, as he leaned his head on my shoulder. I
hugged him with my free hand, as both of us went quiet again, staring at
the planes lined up outside of the airport building, in the gray and gloomy
day that was threatening with yet more snow. My own thoughts drifted away,
in a very incoherent way that was imposed by my tired brain. A lot of
things had happened lately, and my mind was jumping from one event to
another at lightning speed. Matt coming to my place. Me going to his. Us
staying together for that day, and leaving for school. Me getting a ride
from Scott to Matt's place...wait a minute – there was a whole day
missing there! The whole day of me being sick to the point that I didn't
even remember him coming over. And I didn't even notice that. Then...me
flying and driving all night to Matt's place, and the anxiety that painted
the whole trip. And finally, the pleasant feeling of welcome that permeated
my stay at Matt's parents home. It was not just a feeling of courteous
greeting that guests might expect; it was a feeling of being accepted as a
part of the family, a warm sensation that was coursing through me during my
entire stay with them.

The announcement over the intercom interrupted my musings, stating that we
needed to check-in. I looked down at Matt and smiled. He had dozed off,
resting his head on my shoulder. I called quietly to him:

"Matt...Ma–att..." He moved a bit, and his eyes circled the lobby. He
was obviously disoriented, not knowing where he was, but then he looked up
at me and smiled sleepily.

"We need to go," I smiled back at him.

"Mhm...go?"  He was simply adorable in his sleepy confusion, sleep still
weighing heavily on his eyelids.

"Yeah, silly. Go fly – in a big shiny bird, remember?" I teased him a
bit more until he straightened himself up in the seat.  We got up and
checked in but, when we got back to our seats, we discovered that they had
already been taken by an elderly couple. Matt suggested that we to go over
to one of the huge lobby windows, and I agreed.  We stood in silence for
the next several minutes, just watching planes taxiing on the runway. I
hugged him with my left arm and he snuggled next to me, somewhat covered
with my jacket as he traced his hand around my waist. But, not even a
minute later, I wanted more. I turned to him and placed both of my hands on
his hips. I could see that he shot a brief, worrying look around us,
concerned if anyone was looking. I caught that look, and pulled him behind
one of the huge pillars that were spaced throughout the airport lobby. The
spot behind the pillar was not as secluded as I wanted it to be, but it was
less exposed than standing in front of the large window. My back barely
touched the pillar when Matt pressed himself against me. My lips hungrily
found his, as he eagerly went along with it, closing his eyes and enjoying
the touch of our bodies. He slid his arms into my jacket and pressed his
body close to mine, as if he was trying to push himself into me. I could
feel every point of his body that was pressed into mine as he was holding
onto me, his hands clasping my sides. His tongue was exploring my mouth in
such a lovely way, that I didn't want him to stop. It was just so
wonderful, feeling him holding on to me, feeling his lips on mine and his
body pressed to me. At first he appeared reserved, almost holding back to
the point that I was having second thoughts about us making out here, but
than he relaxed and opened up to me. His mouth became more inviting to me,
as we seemed to fade into our own little world. We were kissing for a long
time, when I felt something else pushing into my thigh. I opened my eyes in
a surprise, breaking our kiss. Matt backed off slightly, breathing heavily,
looking at me with that eager look in his eyes. It was that fervent,
hungry, passionate look that would send tingles down my spine. That look
belonged somewhere else, not in the lobby of an airport full of
people. That look belonged in the secluded space of his room, with him
laying on his bed, wearing his sleep pants and...

I snapped out of my little fantasy, realizing that my jeans were getting
alarmingly too tight. My own organ was waking up, trying to match his,
being separated only by the thin fabric of our jeans.

"Matt..." I whispered, still holding him, and then diverting my eyes,
pointing downwards, where our hips were glued together.

He dropped his eyes as well, following mine, and then quickly lifted them
back up to meet mine. His face fell in that instant, as his eyes were now
showing panic, half-hidden by the bangs that were falling over his
forehead. In no time, he turned beet red, and withdrew from me some more,
stammering:

"Oh Nicholas..I-...Sorry! I got...carried away...and, um-"

I smiled at him, brushing away the hair from his eyes with both hands:

"It's okay. I don't mind it at all," I looked at him, trying very hard not
to laugh at his discomfort. He was still looking bewildered and
uncomfortable, now holding onto me with his fingers barely touching my
flanks. I stopped smirking at him seeing that he was really getting
upset. After all, this was not the place for kissing, and definitively not
for...other stuff. He looked around, calming down, and then he looked at
me. And then at the ground, and then at me again, even more briefly, with
his eyes avoiding mine, looking somewhere aside again. I cocked my head a
bit, in silent inquiry. He looked at me again, and then at the ground. I
brushed away the hair from over his forehead, not really asking him
anything, but still acknowledging that I could see his nervousness.

He was still trying to stammer an apology:

"Um...I-...I'm sorry...I'm not used to all this and..."

I smiled at him even more.

"It's okay, really...still funny, though. I think that we can stay here for
a while," I said to him, straightening myself up from the pillar so I could
hold him in a more relaxed way. He was still visibly embarrassed by the
whole ordeal, his cheeks still flared up, and his eyes still nervously
darting around the airport lobby behind us and avoiding mine. I hugged him
tightly, touching his chin with my index finger, making him look at me. In
a matter of seconds, I could feel that the tension dissipating from his
body. His eyes became calm again, as he relaxed in my arms, making the
moment more and more comfortable, with us two just standing motionless next
to each other. The moment drifted into a very serene and content one, as we
were just holding each other, until we heard the overhead speakers
announcing that our flight was boarding.



(Matt's point of view)

If I could disappear from embarrassment, I would have gladly done precisely
that. Even though Nicholas's calmness was doing wonders to help me relax, I
could feel my cheeks were burning. I couldn't believe that I had let myself
be so overwhelmed by Nicki's presence, that I had let my body override all
of my consciousness. I was embarrassed, both for myself, and even more so,
for him. When I finally realized what was going on, it was already too
late. I cursed in my head. It was even worse than that: I hadn't even
noticed my erection, pressing shamelessly into his hip. I had been too
carried away, too immersed in the wonderful sensation of floating, being
lost and weightless while Nicholas was holding and kissing me. And as usual I
got totally lost, allowing the surrounding world to just fade away behind
me, because all I ever wanted from life was right there, right next to
me. Nicholas was kissing me, but the whole sensation of being with him,
having his hand around my waist, keeping me close to him, making the whole
world disappear – that was something that I yearned for all of my life,
without even knowing it. His presence would make it so easy for me to lose
all sense of connection with the real world. And that's why coming back to
reality and realizing what was happening was so horrifying. Unlike me,
Nicholas did not seem fazed at all; he appeared amused with the whole thing,
while I was horrified, and nothing could erase that from my brain. I was
looking around, at the planes, at the gray carpet of the airport lobby, at
the buttons of his shirt – anywhere, just to avoid looking into his
eyes. I couldn't force myself to meet his gaze, knowing that he was looking
at me right now, making my embarrassment even worse. I backed off from him
in panic, torn between the desire to run away and, at the same time, the
need to stay with him, in my little oasis of safety, my own private and
sheltered spot in this world that I never wanted to leave – his
arms. Suddenly, I felt a touch, the ever so gentle touch of his hand on my
cheek. I had to look at him. I knew that he didn't care as much as I did,
but I still felt as if my ears were on fire. Nicki's eyes were full of
compassion and understanding, as he smiled at me. Right away, I felt that
my anxiety was being hushed away into a small spot in my mind, still
present, but buried in a distant corner so it was not so overpowering
anymore. I smiled back at him, still not feeling fully calm, and my eyes
still darting everywhere.

And then it dawned on me that I had never told Nicholas how inexperienced I
actually was, how this was all new and frightening to me, and how he could
probably expect even more problems from me. And besides that, there was
something else looming in the distant background, behind all that, a hidden
and shapeless feeling that was rolling in my mind, behind all the
apprehension and awkwardness of that moment.  I started to feel overwhelmed
by panic as it rose inside me once again, with a newly-found force. I
needed to tell him that. I tried to say something, but my seized brain was
unable to articulate a single word properly. All that was coming out of my
mouth was a stuttering, nervous attempt to blurt it all at once, making
everything even worse.

Nicholas straightened himself up from the pillar so that he was standing next
to me now, seeing that I was not coping with this ordeal very well. He
stood next to me, tall and calm, just like the pillar behind him. And then
he lifted my chin, gently making a wordless request for me to look at him.

Nicholas did not say one word. He just kept his calm gaze on me, gently
stroking my cheek with his thumb, still just looking at me with such
composure and calmness in his eyes that I could almost instantly feel all
the apprehension, all the embarrassment and all the anxiety simply fading
away. In a matter of moments, the previous events were just an uneasy
memory, fading quickly into the surroundings of the gray day outside. I
sighed, feeling somewhat silly about the whole ordeal. Nicholas gave me a
small smile and hugged me in a friendly, relaxed manner. Soon after, we had
to board the plane but, as we walked down the hall, I realized that there
was still something trailing behind me, like fingers of a ghostly sensation
that I couldn't quite see or recognize. It bothered me, being unable to
figure out what it was that chased me from behind in the slow, taunting
style of a nightmare that only becomes real at night, while during the day
it remains ambiguous and distant, waiting in the shadows of the
consciousness for the opportunity to emerge in its full strength.

(Nicholas's point of view)

We arrived back to our town, and got Matt's car from the airport garage. It
wasn't that late in the day, but I felt somewhat tired. It felt odd, only a
couple of days ago, Scott had dropped me off at the airport, with my heart
clenched in my chest because I didn't know what to expect from the future,
feeling as if I'm betting everything that I had left in me on that trip to
Matt's hometown. And, I guess, the tiredness began to settle in. It was an
odd sensation of exhaustion, nothing like the tiredness after a good
workout, when your body is pleasantly tired but satisfied, or the sleepy
tiredness after an overly long day. It was tiredness similar to the way one
might feel after a hard exam, when every mental fiber was pushed to the
limit to concentrate. I chalked it up to the extraordinary amount of stress
under which I had placed myself in the past few days.  "Yeah, meeting his
parents under those circumstances is not something that you can call
ideal," I grinned to myself, shifting more comfortably in my seat.  Matt
glanced at me, taking his eyes off the road briefly, curious about my
sudden outburst. I shook my head, smiling: "It's nothing. I'm still just
rethinking the last couple days. It still feels a bit like a fantasy,"

"Oh, so you think of it as a fantasy? And what about me? How do you think
it feels for me – to have the best Christmas present – ever,
delivered to my doorstep? How about that for a fantasy?" he laughed,
glancing at me, but with a serious look in his eyes.

"Oh, the sneakers? That was nothing..." I placed the fake nonchalance in my
voice. A second later, a hand slapped my shoulder. I turned to him,
grinning.

Just as he was about to say something, his phone rang.  "I will deal with
you later," his lip curled in a smile as he mouthed a false threat quietly
to me, opening his phone. It was his mom, inquiring if we got home
safely. Matt spoke with her briefly, and then apparently the phone on the
other side changed hands, since he was talking to Mary the next
moment. Trying to pay attention to his driving, Matt spoke with her only
briefly. I could tell that she was asking him something, and that he was
not happy with it. Finally he gave up, and handed the phone to me:

"Can you please talk to Mary? She is talking my ear off with the demand
that I cannot answer to, and I still want to get us home safely,"

I took the phone from him, not missing the fact that he had said "get us
home." It had a pleasant ring to it, but before I could think it through, I
heard Mary's voice in the receiver.

"Hey, Nicholas. I guess Matty is too embarrassed to ask you himself...I
wanted to ask you if you could send me a picture of you two guys. I know I
would like to have one, and I think Donna would like one too. You know that
you made quite an impression here?" she added.

"Positive, I hope," I replied, somewhat taken aback by her demand.

"Oh, definitely! Everyone absolutely loved you – including me, of
course. We are all glad that you guys are together, especially me. Finally
I can stop hearing about `Nicholas this' or `Nicholas that' almost every day!"
she laughed, imitating Matt's tone of voice. I joined in, feeling somewhat
awkward that such conversations ever took place.

Mary and I talked for a little more, and then finished our
conversation. She asked me for my phone number and, when I gave it to her,
I could see Matt giving me another brief glance. I didn't understand why,
until Mary laughed in the phone: "And tell Matt that I won't flirt with you
behind his back...I promise,"

I laughed and closed the phone.  "Mary is worried that you might be jealous
if she talks to me," I handed the phone back to him. He laughed, but with a
strange, hollow echo, though I didn't want to give it any meaning.

"So, I guess we need to take some pictures together...would you mind?" he
glanced at me, worryingly.

 "No, no I wouldn't. I guess their request is to be expected..." I
finished, still feeling a little awkward, for no reason that I could think
of.

Matt's hand found mine on the console between our seats. I took it,
enjoying the feeling of his skin, the touch that brought contentment to
me. Our fingers intertwined, keeping us together just enough to make that
little space in between us disappear. It was almost the same as on the
plane; we didn't get seats next to each other upon boarding, but I asked
the flight attendant to place us together and she agreed. I was very
grateful for that, since it meant that Matt and I could be together during
the flight. Even though we both dozed on and off on the plane, the feeling
of Matt's head on my shoulder and his hand in mine was a welcome sensation
every time I woke up.  I leaned my head on the head rest, diverting my eyes
from the road and towards him. I noticed that he was biting his lip, and
then he glanced back at me, confirming that something was bothering him. I
lifted my head from the head rest, looking at him intently now. He noticed
my stare:

"Well, I wanted to ask you something myself, for a while...but it feels odd
and silly."

I smiled at him. He looked so adorable, being shy and embarrassed about the
littlest things. His eyes would still dart to meet mine, looking at me
under those bangs of hair, which just added to his appeal.

"Well?" I pushed on, now being curious.

The lip biting continued, as he finally got the courage to continue:

"I wanted to ask you...if you have a picture of yourself...that I could
have," he finished giving me a full-on look for a brief second.

Even if I had had any quandaries about his request, they would have been
washed away as soon as he looked at me. The whole impression of his face,
turned to me, piercing me with those stormy blue eyes, emphasized with dark
hair that was framing his forehead and falling on his cheeks, remained
burned in my brain even when he turned back to watch the road. I realized
that I had not answered him because I was still infatuated with the image
of his face, which was lingering in front of my eyes. I cleared my throat
to break the silence that was starting to be too heavy.

"Sure...I have some at my place. Most of them are back at my parents'
house, though," I thought about it for a second, and then I turned back to
him, with a lighter tone in my voice: "But this means that I could ask for
the same favor, right?"

Matt chuckled, nodding. And then, with his loveable smile, he added: "No
problem...next time I go back home, I will bring some," he grinned. It took
me a second to figure out why he had that sly smile on his face.

"Hey that is not fair! You can have – no, you will have your mom or Mary
send some over here. I will take no excuses," I pouted, realizing that the
idea was actually quite appealing. To have Matt's eyes always available for
gazing... although there was no way that even the best picture could convey
that incredible, crystal depth of his eyes. He laughed, obviously feeling
at an advantage after his little prank.

(Matt's point of view)

I pulled up in front of Nicholas's house and we got out of the car. Nicholas
opened the door, letting us in as he placed his bag on the kitchen floor. I
looked around. His kitchen was in disarray, with stuff piled on the
counters in a mess that did not fit the usual tidiness of his house.

"Maid's day off?" I teased him, pointing towards the mess.

"Um, sorry. We left in a hurry," he replied, clearing up paper bags and
various items from the kitchen table.

"We?" I asked, helping him with the dishes that still had bread crumbs on
them, as if someone had eaten a sandwich from them. I didn't even know why
my voice winced a little bit when I said that.

"Yeah, Scott gave me a ride to the airport," he replied, absentmindedly,
tossing some leftovers in the garbage. "Do you want something? Are you
hungry?" he asked, looking in the fridge.

My stomach growled, reminding me that last time we had eaten was breakfast
at my parent's house. I nodded, putting dirty dishes in the sink. Nicholas
fixed dinner for both of us in no time, pulling various things from the
freezer and the fridge.

"You have to teach me that magic...how to make a feast in ten minutes," I
said to him as we sat down to eat.

"Ha! Microwaving stuff is no magic, it's cheating," he replied to me,
smiling.

We both went silent, eating our dinner, with the evening becoming quietly
comfortable. I realized that I didn't want to leave, but on the other hand,
I couldn't stay forever, either.

"What are you doing for the rest of the evening?" I asked as we finished
our meal.

"Well, I probably have to answer a gazillion emails and pay some bills,
unpack, and then see about school stuff, call home..." he went on, while I
helped him clean up.

"Yeah, same as me," I sighed, leaning against the counter. He was still
clearing up dishes as I stood there, just looking at him. Despite the fact
that we did not leave each other's sight the past few days, I still
couldn't take my eyes off him. He noticed my stare, and stopped cleaning to
come to me.

"What?" he asked quietly, placing his hands on my hips.

"I hate that I have to go," I sighed.

He frowned with surprise: "Why do you have to go? You can stay here...for a
while,"

I sighed again. I whished it was that simple.  "No, you have things to do,
and so do I. And all of my stuff is at my place," I found a plausible
excuse.

He looked at me, raising his eyebrows for a second, and then he nodded in
understanding: "Okay."

(Nicholas's point of view)

Even though I knew that Matt's reasoning for leaving was valid, I stayed at
my doorstep staring into the darkness, long after his car disappeared from
my sight. I knew that he, too, wanted to take a shower, unpack, check his
mail, and all the similar trivial things that always needed to be done. I
had a similar pile waiting for me, but I really didn't want them to replace
his presence. "Reality sucks", I mused, closing the front door. Sure
enough, as soon as I opened my inbox, I had to deal with tons of emails,
all while listening to some pretty angry voicemails from my
parents. Calling them back and explaining to them why I had decided to stay
here, and then disappearing in the middle of the holiday, was difficult,
but they were relieved to know that I was okay. My mom was genuinely
surprised to hear my request for her to send me several albums of my
pictures, but she complied. Then I called Scott and Courtney to tell them
that I was back; Courtney was beside herself:

"How can you just disappear, just take off like that? Scott said that you
went somewhere, sick as a dog, chasing some guy who apparently owes you
money – his words exactly! And then I could not get a hold of you for
days!"

"Sorry, Cort...I forgot my phone charger, so I couldn't call anyone," I
apologized, barely containing my laughter. I was chasing some guy who owed
me money? Only Scott could concoct such an implausible story.

"Did you go home for Christmas?" Courtney asked, more calmly.

"Well..." I started, but then I realized that seemingly simple explanation
of where I went was not so simple. Courtney did not know yet about Matt and
me, and I was not sure that it would be okay with Matt to share that part
of my journey.

"I went to see a friend," I evaded, feeling lousy for not being able to
tell her the whole story. She picked up on my hesitation immediately, and
changed the subject to some school issues. I smiled to myself. It takes a
sensitive person to realize that I was avoiding the whole story, for
whatever reason, and I was forever thankful to her for not pressing on with
any further questions. That story was not just mine to tell, so I decided
not to disclose any details as of yet.

I finished the conversation with her and sighed. Matt never seemed to be
bothered by the idea of the two of us being together in public, but on
several occasions he placed more than physical distance between us. At his
grandfather's garage, he stayed on the other side of the car, as if he
didn't want for us to be perceived as a couple. I was really surprised with
that, but I said nothing about it. Everywhere else he was glued to my side,
his hand not leaving my hip. So, was it that he didn't want us to be known
as a couple only by some people? When we boarded the plane he stayed with
me until he had to take his seat several rows away from mine, obviously
displeased with that, which prompted me to ask the flight attendant to
shift my spot next to his. It took some persuasion, since the flight was
fairly full and she was obviously tired of people making ridiculous
demands. But, when I looked at him, he had an odd expression on his face,
almost as if he was annoyed by my discussion about him with the flight
attendant. Finally, she obliged, and I was rewarded with a seat next to
Matt for the rest of the flight. All those murky thoughts disappeared,
however, when I saw his brilliant smile when he realized that she seated me
next to him. So, until I figure out those details with him, I decided not
to make any assumptions. "I guess little stuff like that makes things more
interesting," I sighed, getting back to my emails.

(Matt's point of view)

"Are you settling in for the evening?" blinked the message on my laptop
screen. My heart raced a little bit - it was from Nicki.

"Yeah. A lot of things to do tonight," I typed the answer, still talking to
Mary. Nicki was right about the piles of stuff that demanded my attention:
there was an email from my advisor, dated four days ago, to which I had not
bothered to reply to, since I hadn't thought that I would come back to
school. Now I was typing my explanation of why I had missed my appointment,
all while talking to Mary. And now I was messaging with Nicholas as well,
which took precedence, despite the fact that I had left his place not even
two hours ago. Mary noticed that my mind was not completely focused on her
anymore:

"Are you even listening to me?" she scolded me

"Yes, yes...he just shot me a message trough email messenger," I explained
to her, while typing back.

"Ah, so that means that good ol' Mary can be disposed of?" she snapped. I
instantly felt bad, focusing back on our conversation. Nicki was obviously
busy on his end too, since there was a delay in his response. I continued
to talk to her for a while, still eyeing my messenger box like a hawk every
few seconds. Thankfully Mary and I were already finishing our conversation,
so she laughed at my failure to multitask, and we said our goodbyes. For
the next hour, I was messaging with Nicki on and off, in between his and my
emails. We finally decided to call it a night:

"Well, have a good night. I'll see you tomorrow, then," he typed. The
message stayed on the screen while my fingers hovered over the keyboard,
hesitating with my response.

I started biting my lip. The unnamed feeling started to roll in the back of
my brain again, as if it was trying to push itself to the forefront.

"Okay. I'll call you," I typed back. He sent me a winking smiley sign, and
then he signed off. I looked at the laptop screen, feeling somewhat empty.
Why was he being so formal? I sighed, and finished with my session as well,
feeling tired. I got ready for bed, brushing my teeth and putting away my
clothes. And, as soon as my head hit the pillow, sleep crept over my
eyelids, telling me how tired I really was. I snuggled under my comforter,
realizing that, unlike last night, Nicholas was very notably absent from my
side.

"Well, I guess that means go to sleep, Matthew," I sighed, still
disheartened how lonesome my bed felt.

Seconds later, my phone chimed with a message. I jolted in a surprise and
rolled over to grab it from the nightstand where it was charging.

"I miss you."

My chest filled with feelings that threatened to overwhelm my heart. He
cares, he cares about me! He is just saving the most thoughtful message for
the very last moment, knowing that I will carry it into my dreams. The
smile was almost hurting my cheeks as I was typing my response.

"I miss you too, Nicki"



End of ch 18

Chapter Seventeen

Ch 17: Meet the parents

(Nicholas's point of view)


"So you are the Nicholas that we hear so much about," said the man sitting at
the kitchen table. It must have been Matt's father; there was unmistakable
resemblance.

Matt stepped into the kitchen, letting go of my hand and making room for me
in the space that seemed to be rapidly shrinking. His father stood up,
eyeing me carefully.

"Dad, this is Nicholas...Nicholas, this is my dad, Jimmy," Matt introduced us.

"James," said his father, still not letting his eyes off from me. He had a
firm handshake, and his eyes were boring trough me. He was scrutinizing me,
examining me as you would examine someone who you just find in your house
hugging and kissing your son. And again, I became very conscious about my
appearance

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Hartwell," I responded back. "I do apologize for the
way I look...I didn't have chance to change after my flight last night."

"So I see," he responded, not smiling at all.

"Dad! Stop giving him hard time!" Matt almost yelled at his father, only
adding to the tension in the room. Matt's dad gave me another long look and
than he shook his head:

"Kids...t-t-t. This is my wife, Donna; have a seat, Nicholas, I think that
she is making coffee for all of us," he waved his hand towards Matt's
mother. I reached out with my hand. She had a nice, warm handshake.

"Nice to meet you Ms. Hartwell," I said, smiling.

"Oh, please call me Donna. Besides, we went through this introduction
already, several times," she smiled back at me, and pointed toward the
chair. I sat down, not missing the fact that Matt remained standing behind
me, since there were no more available chairs for him to sit.

"I know I want some coffee, but I'm not sure if my heart can take any more
excitement this morning," mumbled Matt's father, reopening the newspaper
and continuing, almost nonchalantly:

"So you drove here from the airport? Not a nice drive -- I guess there was
a lot of snow on the 135?" he asked me.

"Um, 135? No, I came from the highway 70," I answered.

Matt's dad placed the newspapers back on the table, and look at me again:

"Highway 70? You said that you drove from the airport -- and 70 does not
goes nowhere near the airport in Wichita, or the one over here." Now he was
eyeing me carefully, as if I said something that was my first mistake, and
first indication that I am not trustworthy. Matt's mother leaned on the
counter behind her, and crossed her hands, also appearing as someone who is
expecting an explanation. I could feel the tension in the room was rising.

"Um, I didn't came from Wichita airport...I drove from the one in
St. Louis," I said, looking at them.

There was a gasp from Matt's mother. I glanced over to her, noticing that
she brought her hand to her mouth in obvious surprise, shooting a shocked
look at her husband, than at Matt. A second later, I felt Matt's hand on my
shoulder, giving me much needed encouragement. I kept an eye contact with
Mr. Hartwell, who was staring at me now:

"Son, that's more than four hundred miles," he said, slowly.

"Four hundred and twenty-two," I nodded, shying my eyes from him, almost
embarrassed. Now the whole idea about finding where Matt lives, tracking
him down, and disturbing peaceful Christmas morning of this family seemed
disconcerting.

"Well, I guess you had a good reason," continued Matt's father after a long
pause, picking up the newspapers again, in seemingly laid-back motion. I
reached to my shoulder, and finding Matt's hand, I squeezed it lightly.

"A very good reason," I smiled.



(Matt's point of view)

I was still in total disbelief. The whole morning was so unreal, so
dreamlike that I was finding myself blinking as reassurance that I am not
dreaming about this. The fact that Nicholas was sitting next to me at our
kitchen table, talking to my parents over coffee that was getting cold, was
incomprehensible to me.  I couldn't take my eyes off of him, as he was
enduring gentle inquisition from my parents. Or not so gentle from my dad,
if you like. I could see that Nicki was very tired, and his voice wasn't as
strong as usual. And it wasn't just the fact that he had a day old beard;
he looked exhausted, with a strange rasp in his voice.

"He just drove all night...no wonder he looks like that," I thought to
myself, and than I smiled: "He drove all night...to be with me." Now I was
grinning, listening to his story about how he ended up in our town. Both of
my parents were listening carefully, just asking questions about seemingly
non-important details. Luckily my mother had a sense to stop my dad from
further barraging Nicholas with questions:

"You must me exhausted, Nicholas. Jimmy, I think that you pestered our guest
just about enough," she said, clearing the table. My dad just waved his
hand in mock disobedience, trying to finish reading his newspapers.

"I bet that all you want right now is to take a shower and get some
rest. Matt, why don't you show him upstairs?" my mom asked me. The tone of
voice was familiar to me. She wasn't asking, she was telling me. In very
lovingly, ever so gentle way, she was telling me that I need to take care
of my visitor. And I was more than happy to oblige. Soon both of us were
climbing upstairs to my room. I showed Nicholas around and gave him some of
my clothes after rummaging through my closet. I was shaking all over again,
from inner anxiety that was running trough me.

Nicholas...here with me...in my room.

With my clothes in his hands, he turned to me, laying his tired eyes on me:

"Funny how the roles have changed," he said.

I reached with my hands behind his neck, caressing his hair:

"I like taking care of you," I said, locking my eyes on him. He leaned in
me, almost hesitantly. Our lips touched. The sensation of electrical charge
flared on my lips, once again, just as always when my lips would touch
his. He merely brushed his lips on mine, but I wanted more. I grabbed his
head and start kissing him more forcefully, and he was returning my
advances. The clothes that he was holding in his hands fell on the floor as
he grabbed me and fully locked our bodies together. I experienced
faintness, as I was giving my self to him. Hungrily, my mouth found his,
taking in that wonderful taste that was un describable, the fleshy and firm
taste of his lips, the incredible warmness of his mouth. Soon I was gasping
for air, but I didn't care. Having Nicki's lips on mine preceded that
need. It was simply more important to feel him exploring my mouth, just as
I was exploring his. We finally unlocked our lips, as he looked at me,
breathing coarsely. I placed my head on his chest while he was stroking my
back.

"I still cannot believe that you are here," I whispered. He coughed, trying
to chuckle.

 

"I want to stay here and be with you...but I really need to take a
shower. I stink," he said to me. I smiled at him:

"Okay, stinker," I said, raising my hand and grazing his chin, covered with
that light stubble that made him even more desirable. He reluctantly let go
of me and went to the bathroom. I listened the sound of shower for couple
minutes, leaned on the door. It was almost soothing, the way I knew that
that was him in there, only several feet away.

Some time later, he emerged from the bathroom, his hair still damp, but
clean-shaven, wearing my sweat pants and sweatshirt. I was looking at him,
probably with most idiotic grin that was seen on this planet.

"What?" he smiled at me

"It's the clothes...its weird to see it on someone else," I found excuse to
have my eyes linger over him. Even in my baggy clothes, his body looked
amazing.

"Yeah, they are a tad small," he complained, shrugging his shoulders that
were stretching the sweatshirt.

"Well, I did have those since beginning of the college," I replied,
standing up and getting close to him. I couldn't not notice that his eyes
are still very red and that he still looks tired. Nicholas embraced me,
reaching with one hand to brush over some of my hair that had fallen over
my eyes.

"Matt, I..." he started hesitantly, his voice being hoarse all of the
sudden. I pressed my finger on his lips. At this time, I didn't want to
talk, to spoil the moment with explanations and reasoning.

"Shhh...plenty of time for that. You need to rest. I have feeling that my
parents will continue with the interrogation as soon as you go back
downstairs."

He nodded, still just looking at me. Even tired, those eyes were carrying
so much energy that was coming into me. I felt the familiar blaze that was
coming from him, spreading from my face to my ears, leaving me short of
breath and weak.

"Do...do you want to sleep in my bed...for now?" I asked, hesitantly. I
still didn't know where is Nicki in this whole situation, despite that he
drove all that distance to find me, despite that he didn't mind kissing me
right in front of my mother, despite that he is holding me in his arms,
right here in my bedroom.

He nodded, slowly. I could see the battle that was going on in his eyes,
but he remained silent. We both sat on my bed, and I leaned into him,
giving him another brief kiss.

"Don't worry about things now. Get some sleep. Okay?" I looked at him, with
my hands clasped behind his neck. He nodded, his lips breaking into tired
smile:

"Okay," he said, finally relaxing. He laid slowly in the bed, pulling the
covers over him. I remained standing next to him, caressing his hair. I
could see that he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, just like a sleepy
puppy. I stood back and started to walk backward from the bed when I
realized something.

No. No way. I couldn't walk away from him. Not now, not ever.

I walked around the bed, and slid under the covers from the other side,
embracing him in a hug, my whole body resting against his. He tried to
shift himself, to say something, to protest, but I gently pushed him back.

"Shhh...rest now," I whispered in the back of his neck, enjoying the feel
of his strong body in my arms. Nicholas relaxed, but it was a while until his
breathing slowed down into rhythmic motions telling me that he is
asleep. The sound of his even breathing was bringing incredible peace into
my whole body. I rested my head next to his shoulder, inhaling the familiar
scent of my own shampoo mixed with warmth of his body that was filling me
with quiet bliss and happiness.



(Nicholas's point of view)



I tried to stay awake, but I couldn't. There were just too many things that
happened to me in the past few days that were too strenuous, and my body
was betraying me. Matt was holding me in his arms, and despite my desire to
stay awake and take in as much as I could, the sleep was taking over
me. The fact that I was in Matt's room, in his bed, with him embracing me,
was enough to calm me enough for me to drift into sleep. I felt that I
accomplished something major, very important, and that I can finally
relax. From the moment that I saw him on top of the stairs, dressed only in
pair of sleeping pants and t-shirt, the urgency from deep within me seized
to push me forward. It was the un describable force that was driving me to
be on the move ever since that I lay my eyes on the message that was barely
readable, in that small notebook left on my kitchen counter. My brain was
still echoing with image of Matt, standing on top of the stairs, looking at
me wide eyed. Matt, the boy that turned my whole life into disheveled
hurricane, the boy whose smile could light even the murkiest of the
days. The boy who had eyes I couldn't live without.

And the boy whose heart I broke.

I couldn't stand to look at him anymore. There was too much pain expressed
over his face for me to look at it. My chest cramped. I felt that this
whole voyage was for nothing, all that energy and pressure behind it was in
vain. I thought that I was too late.

But then he took one step downstairs, than another one. He looked as if he
was hypnotized, dazed, not taking his eyes off of me, as he was walking
downstairs toward me.

I don't remember how I got to him. One moment I was standing next to his
mother in the hallway, and the next I was holding him, his body unnaturally
stiff in my arms. And the familiar feeling churning in me again, the
feeling that I thought I would never experience ever again. The feeling of
tasting his lips, feeling his body relaxing next to mine, the feeling of
being complete, once again.

Drifting into the sleep, I remember one more thing and my lips broke into
sly smile: when I got out of bathroom, Matt was laying on the bed, wearing
the same sleeping pants and plain white t-shirt, just as he was when I
first saw him on the top of the stairs. And he was smiling, illuminating
the room with such radiance that I had to smile back at him. His eyes were
sparkling, almost covered with bangs of his hair, captivating me with those
remarkable shades of blue. Something in his eyes made me stop for a second
in the doorway. Once again I was convinced that I see desire in his
eyes. He was propped on his elbows, and one of his legs was folded up on
the bed, while other one was relaxed. He wasn't wearing socks, and again
the sight of his feet was something that was incredibly appealing to
me. And it was not just that. His whole posture was...sexy, for some
reason. Just the way he was sprawled on the bed, looking at me
inquisitively, made me look at him with different eyes. I forced my brain
to shift gears; a difficult task with him so close to me.

And than he stood up next to me, and asked me to get some rest...in his
bed. I was definitively not prepared for that; I was assuming that he is
going to show me into a guest bedroom. I reluctantly agreed, still not
feeling comfortable about whole situation. I was too tired to argue, so I
lay down and I closed my eyes. In a moment, I felt his hand on my forehead,
as he was gently stroking my hair. In a matter of seconds, I started to
drift to sleep. He moved away from me, leaving me in the pleasant coziness
of his bed.

And than, a moment later...I felt movement of the covers as he slid into
the bed with me. At first I almost jumped out, thinking about how awkward
would be for his parents to find us both in the same bed, but the relaxing
thought crossed my mind:

"Its okay, Nicholas...they know."

Matt reached over with his hands over my body, nestling quietly next to
me. His hands were hugging me tightly, folded on my chest. I reached over
and took his hand in mine, caressing it. I just started to relax again,
when seconds later, Matt whispered something into my neck. His hot breath
fired up my skin, sending waves of disquieting messages throughout my whole
body. Last thing I remember, before sleep prevailed the fight with my
conscience, was strike of pure panic, already being muffled with darkness
of sleep that was consuming my mind. My treacherous body was disobeying me
once again, reacting to Matt's presence.

I was getting hard.



(Matt's point of view)

Reluctantly, I closed the door to my room, stealing one more glance at
sleeping Nicholas. My whole body was filled with happiness, the exuberant joy
that almost made me skip down the stairs, just as would do when I was a
kid. I joined my parents in the living room. My mom gave me look that was a
mixture of question and relief as I sat down. We were just watching TV for
good half an hour, when my dad said, out of nowhere:

"So...are you two together or what?"

This time my mom didn't intervened. That was awkward - I almost never had
conversation with my dad about my personal life, it was mostly my mom who I
seek for an advices. Her, and Mary.

"Well...I guess so," I said, quietly. I still wasn't sure.

"Okay then," he responded still not taking his eyes of the TV. After
several moments of silence, I realize that was the end of conversation. I
shot a worried look to my mom, but she just smiled. I shook my head. Aren't
they going to ask me more about --

The knock on the front door interrupted my thoughts. I jumped on my feet
and got into the hallway. It was Mary, and I let her in. She stepped into
the hall, shaking her coat and boots that were covered with snow, and
fighting with a large bag that she was carrying in her hands.

"Wow -- its past noon, and you are still in your `jammies?" she looked at
me, wide eyed in honest surprise.

"Um, yeah. I decided to really let myself go," I replied, concealing my
embarrassment. True, I was still in my sleeping pants and t-shirt, as if
I'm a bum in my own home. The thought about changing was dismissed
instantly; going upstairs to my room would mean that I would probably wake
up Nicholas, which simply was not an option now.

"You want to give me a hand with all this or what?" she lifted the bag in
her hand.

"Where's your whip, slave driver?" I mockingly snapped, taking the bulky
bag from her.

"Chivalry, oh where is thou," she rolled her eyes at me, taking her gloves
off.

I turned left and right, looking around:

"I don't see any ladies here...Do you? "I asked her in dead-pan face, only
to receive a glove straight to my nose.

"Behave!" she smiled at me, pushing me out of her way.

 "What is all this?" I asked, weighing the bag in my hand.

"Um, presents, silly. You do know its Christmas? Or you are gone completely
insane over there at that what-is-the-name-college, over you-know-who?" she
gave me stern look.

I couldn't hide a very smug smile on my face. She shoot me a confused look,
but I just carried the bag pass her. She greeted my parents, and started to
pull the packages from the bag.

"I even got something for you, brat, although I am not sure that you
deserve it," she handed me a small box, after she gave my parents each a
gift.

"Oh Mary, thank you sooo much! I love it!" I shouted, still quietly. I
hugged her, the brand-new sports watch in my hand awkwardly dangling in my
hand. I started to examine it immediately. It was expensive, and it had all
kind of gizmos and do-dads on it.

"There -- so that you can keep better watch on your life," she said,
looking at me seriously.

Even thought I did noticed the double meaning of her words, I still
couldn't erase sudden smugness from my face. This time she openly frowned
at me, with a question on her face.

"Wow. Thank you, Mary. I didn't have this color," I heard my dad's voice,
saving me from explaining my mischief. He was lifting a silk tie from a
box. My mother was just finished unwrapping hers, pulling a nice sweater
from the box.

"Very nice. Thank you," my mom nodded with gratitude, and than nodded
towards me:

"Matty, why don't you give Mary her present -- it should be under the
tree."

I went in the corner of the living room, and after brief search, I found
the package underneath the Christmas tree that had Mary's name on it. I
picked the one that my parents got for her, as well the one I got for her,
and I handed both to her, but she was looking at me instead at the
packages, with very confused expression on her face:

"You guys have not opened your presents yet? Since when Matt can resist
tearing up into the tree first thing in the morning?"

My parents glanced at each other, with sly smile on each other faces. Mary
turned to me, with bewildered look on her face.

"Oh, I already got my present...it came in this morning," I replied, this
time smile threatening to split my face in two.

There was a brief moment of silence. Mary raised her eyebrows, glanced at
my mother, who was also smiling conspicuously, not offering any explanation
either.

"Okay, I give up -- what is going on here?" Mary placed her hands on her
hips, in very demanding fashion.

I just continued to grin. Suddenly I wanted to enjoy my little victory, but
my father ruined it all for me.

"Oh, some guy showed up this morning on our doorstep, and he cannot erase
that stupid grin from his face since then," he said in very nonchalant
manner, like he was reading the smost boring stock report, not even taking
his eyes of the TV.

Mary's jaw threatened to hit the floor.

"No fre-ak-ing way..." she uttered, looking at me wide- eyed, her mouth
still open. I maniacally nodded, still grinning like idiot.

"No freaking way!" she shouted. I quickly shushed her:

"Shhh...he is upstairs, sleeping. C'mon, I'll show you," I grabbed her hand
and pulled her towards the hallway.

"Matt! He is not a puppy, for crying out loud!" my mother hissed angrily
behind us, looking bewildered, but Mary was already pushing me in front of
her.

Seconds later, I quietly cracked open the door from my room, just enough
for both of us to steal a look in. She still had astounded look on her face
after she peeked in. I was looking in, lovingly caressing the barely
visible outline of Nicki's face in the shadowy room.

"I still cannot believe!" she whispered, as I closed the door as quietly as
possible.

"You cannot believe? I still think that I'm dreaming all this," I whispered
back, shuffling quietly towards the staircase.

"You are as bad as him! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Both of you!"
the stern look from my mother greeted us at the bottom of the stairs. Now
she was the one that had her hands on her hips, shaking her head.

"We are sorry...we didn't woke him up," Mary shoot me a look that only
partners in crime could share in between themselves. I was still grinning,
despite the very irate look on my mother's face. I knew that she couldn't
be really mad at us.

After all, it was Christmas...and miracles do happen.



(Nicholas's point of view)

Matt was right. Not even five minutes of my stepping into the living room,
his parents started the conversation. More precisely, his father. And he
was asking me a whole bunch of questions, like he wanted to know everything
about me in the shortest amount of time. Matt was gone to run some errands,
and Matt's mom went into the kitchen soon after greeting me, so I was left
alone with James.

"So, you drove all the way here to see Matt, huh? That is very..." he was
seeking the word in his mind, "- determined of you."

I couldn't shake the feeling that he meant to say "stupid" as his first
choice.

"Um, yes...sir. I couldn't get the flight out of St. Louis so I rented the
car," I continued.

"And than you just drove, for four hundred miles, just to talk to my
son. Boy, even I know how to use the phone," he shook his head, in not so
subtle disapproval of my actions.

"Well, its more than phone call can do...I needed to see him. We...there
was a lot left unsaid when he left," I continued carefully. I knew I needed
to tread lightly with this man.

"So you decided to just show up here, unannounced?" he looked at me.

I didn't know what to say. He was obviously disagreeing with me being here,
and being with Matt. I sighed. So let it be. I saw Matt, now I can
leave. Hopefully I could still talk to him when he comes back.

...That is, if he comes back.

James must realize what was going on through my head.

"Nicholas...son, the only reason why I am giving you hard time is because I
only want to see good things for Matt. You have to understand that he had a
tough life, with not too many friends that could understand his
choice. This year is his first year away from home, really away from
home. And than he comes back after being away for only several months, all
messed up, confused and scared. I know my son. He has learned to deal with
his problems, and to see him like that really upsets not only me, but
everybody who knows him. Donna was crying last night, and I didn't know
what to say to her. All I know that Matt met you, and..." he hesitated, not
knowing what to say.

"...And he is not the same anymore," I finished for him. He nodded, looking
somewhere across the room, and than riveted my eyes on me again.

"Do you see where I'm going with this?" Matt's dad said slowly, boring me
with his eyes. I nodded. How could I say to him that it is not only Matt
who is messed up? That I cannot pick up my life ever since he stepped into
it?

"Mr. Hartwell...I can honestly say that what I feel for Matt I never felt
for anyone before in my life. He...means...a lot to me." I finished, choked
with emotions.

"Well, that's good, that's good...I'm glad to hear that. However, I must
say that in your age, relationships come and go, so I don't know did you
ever felt like this before with any of your previous boy -- um, boyfriends,
what you are feeling for Matt now," finished Matt's father.

I buried my eyesight in the floor.

"There were no...I did not have --" I swallowed a lump in my throat. Even
to me, what I was trying to say sounded really implausible.

"I never had any other boyfriends in my life before I met Matt," I managed
to finish, looking at Matt's father. He looked me in disbelief, craning his
head a little bit.

"None?" this time I heard Donna's voice behind me. I turned around. She was
standing in the living room doorframe, probably for a while.

I shook my head:

"No ma'm. I know this will sound very strange to both of you, but I was
dating girls until recently, until...until I met Matt," I finished,
blushing from embarrassment.

James' raised eyebrows spoke vividly about the stage of surprise that he
was in. Than he shook his head and...and smirked. And than he started to
laugh. Pretty soon, he was laughing so hard that he couldn't sit straight
anymore; he had to lean backward, trying to say something in between
laughs:

"Oh --...Oh my...Donna! Our son...our Matt...has...hahaha...has seduced --
has seduced a straight guy!"

Matt's mother burst into laughter herself, while Matt's dad was wiping his
eyes, still chuckling from his own joke. I politely smiled at him, knowing
that was not quite the truth, but I let him have his fun. After all, he
wasn't that far off, either. I looked over at Matt's mom: she just shrugged
her shoulders and shook her head, still laughing.



(Matt's point of view)

As soon as I stepped into the house, I tensed up. I could hear muffled
voices, one belonging to my father, and other one, belonging to another
male, arguing about something. And I knew that other voice very
well. Despite being hoarse and crackly, Nicholas voice would still evoke same
tingling sensation in me as I would listen to it. I kicked my shoes off in
a hurry to get into the living room. I knew it. I was too late. I cursed
myself for leaving the house. I thought I could have couple hours to go and
grab a Christmas present for Nicholas before he wakes up, but it was almost
nightfall when I came back home. Almost everything was closed, so I had to
walk through the whole town to find something for Nicki. Finally I bought
him a suitable present, but that obviously meant that he is taking a full
force of grilling from my dad without me being there to be by his side. I
cursed again, rushing trough the hallway.

"What is going on here?" I asked, bursting into the in the living room.

My dad and Nicholas were sitting in front of the computer, and they both
turned around at the same time, looking at me. I took it all at once, the
happy look on my father's face, and quiet, contented look on Nicholas's. He
smiled at me, telling me wordlessly that everything was fine.

"Matt? Where you been? Thankfully I have your friend here to give me some
major pointers! Come over!" my dad motioned me in. I took my jacket off, in
much calmer motion. Okay, so this is not the war zone that I heard from the
doorstep.

"Look! Nicholas showed me site where it shows how to replace the ignition
from this Pontiac to Emmet's Impala!" my dad was one step away from being
ecstatic. I approached cautiously, still not being sure about this whole
deal. My dad and Nicholas...are buddies, all of the sudden?

"Grampa's car? That thing hasn't run in years," I responded, glancing over
at the screen, and than diverting my eyes to Nicholas. And he returned my
gaze, smiling. He looked much better, relaxed and comfortable sitting next
to my dad. This was odd, especially from this morning, when my dad was
barraging him with questions. I placed my hands on Nicki's shoulders,
resisting the urge to hug him properly...and kiss him properly...and take
him to my room properly...I diverted my eyes toward the computer screen; I
could feel blood rushing into my loins. Embarrassed, I gave my earnest try
to understand about ignition switches, spark plugs and other whatnots that
my dad was pointing to Nicholas. I stayed for couple more minutes, and than I
gave up. I sat next to the Nicholas, and hugged him. And my dad seemed okay
with it! It was a tremendous relief, to know that my Nicholas, my Nicki, is
welcome here. I leaned my head on his shoulder, listening to their
conversation, enjoying in it, despite the fact that I couldn't understand
the word of it. Two of the most important men in my life were by my side,
chatting and arguing about some bizarre car parts, but I was feeling
nothing but blissful happiness. Nicholas was still coughing occasionally,
worrying me, but I didn't want to interrupt the conversation in between him
and my father.

My mom entered the living room, and literarily hushed us into the dining
room, where she had set the whole big table by her self. Minutes later,
Mary knocked on the door, and soon we all sat down to have dinner
together. Despite it was day after actual Christmas, it felt more like
Christmas diner than the one that we had last night.  I looked down the
table, with my heart filled with delight: everybody that I cared the most
was here, at my sight. We dug into our food. My mom re-enacted the whole
new meal from leftovers, and we all enjoyed it fully. In the middle of the
dessert, Mary turned to Nicholas:

"How did you guys meet in the first place? Did you have a class together or
something?"

"Well, he knocked me off my feet in the hall of the Chemistry building,"
Nicholas answered over bite of cake that he was about to put in his mouth.

"Ohhh, that is sooo romantic," Mary swooned.

Nicholas looked at her seriously, emphasizing his words even more: "No, he
literally did that -- knocked me off my feet; I was on the floor before I
even knew what happened."

I heard my dad chuckle from the other side.

"Matt knocked you over? This little scrawny guy here?" Mary's eyes widened,
glancing at me. "That's when you guys saw each for the first time?"

Nicholas nodded, placing another bite of the cake in his mouth.

"Well, not quite," I chimed in. Mary looked at me, curiously, but I was
looking at Nicholas now:

"First time I saw you was a day before that...you were walking down the
Second street. I was sitting at `La Cubanita', having a coffee when I saw
you on the other side of the street," I finished, feeling mixture of
embarrassment and superiority. Nicholas looked at me, with his eyebrows
raised. I smiled, remembering my first impressions of that super-hot
looking guy, walking down the street, carrying his body with such
graciousness. And now that super-hot guy is sitting right next to me! I
sighed, still in disbelief, and squeezed Nicholas's hand underneath the
table. He looked at me, smiling.

"I am so happy that I met you, Nicki" I could only say that, grinning from
ear to ear.

"Yeah, me too," he replied, looking at me with those deep eyes. Our eyes
locked, and stayed locked for a long time; only when Mary kicked me
underneath the table, I diverted my eyes toward her, in mock anger.

"What!' I yelled, provoking a giggle from her.

"Hey love bird...did you gave Nicholas his present?" she asked me.

"Oh, I completely forgot! How could I be so dumb!" I jumped from the table,
provoking a disapproving look from my mother. I returned in a second,
almost jumping back into my chair. I was carrying a soft package, that I
wrapped in a hurry. I was very proud of my finding, since almost every
store was closed today, and I was sure this was appropriate for him.

"For me?" he looked at me, surprised. I nodded, smiling. "Thank you...but
your present...its not here --" he started, but I raised my hand to his
mouth, quieting him down. It stung a bit that he didn't have anything for
me, but it didn't matter. It really didn't.

"You being here with me, now, is the best present I ever had," I said,
looking at him seriously.

"...what I meant -- your present is in the car, silly. May I be excused for
a moment?" he asked politely my parents. My mother nodded, and he got up.

"See? Manners. Man-ners," Mary emphasized last word, looking sternly at
me. I rolled my eyes at her in fake insubordination. Nicholas got something
for me? I was burning with anticipation.

Nicholas returned, carrying a box with him. I craned my head in a
surprise. It was wrapped in a glossy paper of a -- magazine pages!

"Sorry...didn't had the wrapping paper with me," he apologized, and than
handed box of chocolates to my mom, and a bottle of wine to my dad. My dad
nodded in approval, still chewing on last bits of his desert.

"Manners," he mumbled towards me, in obvious keenness of the Nicki's
gesture. I felt as my heart is going to explode with pride. My Nicki is
scoring some major points with my dad today!

"Well, aren't you going to open it?" Mary poised question in our general
direction.

I tore into my package first. As soon as I opened the lid from the box, I
gasped. A brand-new pair of running shoes! I screamed in delight and hugged
Nicholas, who was still holding on his present. I examined the shoes -- they
were my favorite brand.

"How did you know -- even the size is prefect!" I asked, almost being
frantic.

"Well, I did have a chance to take shoes off from you that one night, so
--"

In the dead silence that consumed the kitchen I caught a glimpse of horror
in Nicholas's eyes. I knew that I had to react quickly, even I was as stunned
as him. I cover my mouth, pretending that he said something about us.

"Oh, Nicki -- now they know!"

The look of embarrassment in his eyes was enough for me to drop it. I
became serious in a second.

"It's a joke, folks...nobody ever took my shoes off in that...um, sense," I
started to stammer.

"Yeah, um, we never...um..." Nicholas was blushing profusely now, looking
carefully at folds of paper of the present in his hands.

"Oh my God! You guys are so cute!" Mary screamed in delight, defusing the
situation.

Nicholas and I looked at each other, still too embarrassed to look at my
parents. And than he did something...he shot me that devilish smile of his,
a lopsided grin that bared half of his teeth, in obvious display what was
going on in his head at that moment! My mouth hung open. He lifted his
head, smiling. My dad shook his head, and lifted his hands in disarming
motion. I knew that everything was alright.

Nicholas opened his present. For a moment he was just staring at it, not
saying a word. I looked at him, getting confused at first, than
worried. Did I pick something wrong?

He lifted the brand-name black workout t-shirt that I got for him from the
wrapper, and started to laugh. He quickly placed shirt on the table, and
looked at me, quieting down for a second.

"Look better in your box..." he said to me. I shot him a confused look,
than I dug into the box. From underneath the shoes, I pulled out the exact
same workout shirt, only in dark-blue. I placed it on the table, in salve
of laughter from everybody around it. I looked at Nicholas, who smiled smugly
at me. This time I didn't hesitate for one second. I leaned into him and
planted deep, long kiss onto his lips.

"Thank you," I whispered into his mouth.

"No...thank you," he mouthed back into mine.

(Matt's point of view)

I was walking with Nicholas down the sidewalk that was running alongside the
street where my parent's house was. I have walked that path million times,
in the summer and in the fall, through spring downpours and lazy summer
afternoons, on the bicycle or on foot. That path was my way to the school
and back, and I knew every crease and every corner on it. And yet, walking
on it now with Nicholas was as if I never walked on this path before. Snow
was chirping under our feet as we were walking, holding each other in the
crisp December night. Neither of us spoke a word ever since we left the
house. I suggested the walk since the situation in the house was getting a
little to crowded and noisy -- my grandfather and some of family friends
stopped by, and after mandatory introductions, I felt the need to be alone
with Nicholas. He readily agreed to be taken on the tour of the
neighborhood. The quietness of the evening walk was soothing. Ever since
this morning I felt scatterbrained and disoriented. Nicholas's presence in my
home was utterly disturbing. I came here to run away from him. To run away
from all commotion and chaos that he inflicted on my life, to have a moment
of contemplation in the surroundings that are known to me. Just as a
wounded animal would retreat to its own domain I retreated to my home, to
my own cave, so I could lick my wounds. And that is why I felt so insecure
when he arrived. My cave, my safety house was breached this morning, as if
tornado went through it.

I squeezed Nicholas even closer to me. He looked at me, still not saying a
word. I motioned him toward the side trail that was leading toward the
riverbank. After couple minutes we emerged on the paved path that was
running alongside of the river. It was dark and heavy, and it was running
almost silently underneath us. The walkway was usually the favorite place
to walk along or jog; but tonight it was almost empty. I let go of the
Nicholas so I could turn around and look at the shadowy water. I felt two
hands coming over my sides and grabbing on the handrail of the fence. I
turned around, finding myself staring in those eyes. He was looking at me
intensively, affixing his eyes on mine. I felt as if he was looking
straight into my soul. I could feel the heat coming from him and rising
into my cheeks, as if I was standing in front of an open fire. He extended
his hand and touched gently side of my face with his hand. I closed my
eyes, leaning my head into the palm of his hand, into the warmness of his
touch. I slid my arms into his jacket, around his waist and looked back at
him. Our eyes locked, as he reached with his other hand and brushed a
strand of hair that fell over my eyes. It was an incredible feeling of
belonging that was coursing through me. I exhaled, watching as vapor
obscured my vision of his face for a brief moment. He was just caressing my
face, and I could see that he is fighting with something inside of
him. Finally, he spoke, his voice even more hoarse that it was all day
today.

(Nicholas's point of view)

Matt and I were walking in the sleepy snowed streets for a while, and than
he lead us to the riverbank that was separating the town. I could see the
lights from the other side of the town reflecting in the dark water, as he
leaned onto the fence. It was very quiet and cold, and I couldn't think of
more perfect end to this chaotic day. He turned around, his eyes resting on
me, shaking his head lightly to brush away a strand of hair falling over
his forehead. I hugged him, and he reached inside of my jacket, cuddling
with me. We just stayed there for a moment, enjoying each other
presence. However, I still wasn't feeling peaceful.

"Matt...I cannot say how sorry I am," I spoke finally, my voice trembling
lightly.

Matt looked at me, surprised. I continued before he could say anything

"I don't know what exactly happened, and I still don't know why you
left. But after finding your note, I..." I couldn't finish.

The look in his eyes changed. Even in very sparse light that several lamp
post were casting, I could see that they became darker, more serious.

"My note? But...I took it with me," he whispered.

I reached into my pocket and pulled a notebook paper, shaded with a pencil,
revealing traces of his handwriting.  A familiar sting of pain phantomed
through my chest. Even I couldn't read it in this dim light, I remember
what it said.

"I don't know why are you doing this, but it hurts.  You don't want me in
your life, so I will -- "

The next few lines were furiously scratched, masking the writing; as if he
changed his mind before tearing the note completely out from the
notebook. I clenched my jaw, remembering that was still able to decipher
just portion of the last paragraph. And that line was still burning in
front of my eyes, painfully imprinting its message in my brain:

"...I never knew that love could hurt, until I met..."

The note was not finished. There was no need for it to be finished.

Matt buried his eyesight in the ground, and spoke, very quietly:

"I came to your place to look for you...and you...you told me to leave." He
became quiet for a second, and that spoke again, lifting his eyes full of
pain into mine:

"You told me to leave," he repeated, his voice trembling very slightly,
telling me how hard this was for him.

I gasped. I couldn't even respond to that.

"I -- I told you to leave?"

Matt nodded, looking at ground again.

This was not making any sense. He was looking for me? My nightmare echoed
through my mind.  Did my dream happen at the same time?

"Matt...I am so sorry...I don't remember any of that...if you were at my
place, I don't remember that. I would never say anything like that. It --
It must have been when I was running a fever -- I was dazed for the whole
day. I didn't even believe when doctor told me it was Wednesday when I went
to see him -- "

The look of surprise in Matt's eyes stopped me in my stammering.

"You...you were sick? You had a fever?"

"Nurse said that I was running hundred and three when I went there. They
prescribed me some meds...I'll be fine in couple days," I looked at him.

He shook his head, looking totally bewildered.

"That explains it...that's why you were chasing me out of your place! You
didn't want me to get sick! And idiot that I am, I didn't even realize
that!" Matt looked at me with expression in his eyes that was completely
different from the ones a minute ago. All of the sudden, he grabbed me so
tightly that he actually pulled me off my feet onto him, burying his head
onto my shoulder.

"Oh, Nicholas...but I am the reason why you got sick...you waited for me that
night on my stairs, when it was freezing outside...oh, I am so sorry...you
got sick because of me...I am so sorry...I am so sorry..."

I thought that he was going to cry. He was clinging onto me like he never
wanted to let go of me. I was holding him, gently rubbing his back. He
lifted his head, and looked at me, with tremendous seriousness in his eyes.

"Nicholas, I will never forgive myself for this...and all the stuff that you
did for me...I don't think I can ever repay this." His voice begun to
tremble: "And I cannot believe what idiot I was to believe that you would
say that you don't won't me near you. And to -- "

A tear escaped from the corner of his eye. I reached with my thumb and
gently wiped it off his face.

"Shhh...its okay now. I'm glad that we sorted this mess out. Don't worry
about me, I'll be fine in a day or so, " I smiled at him, but he was still
serious. I could see that he was shaken with what happened. I was relieved
that it was all a big misunderstanding, so I reached with both of my hands
and held his face, locking my eyes into his:

"Its okay. Don't worry about it," I leaned into him and kissed him very
gently. He returned the kiss, and than opened his eyes to meet mine.

"...And...I'm sorry I called you names...back at your place." I whispered,
diverting my eyes off of his in shame.

He gently pushed my chin up so I had to look at him again.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you at yours," he said, seriously, but his eyes
were sparkling.

My lips broke up with a smile:

"I'm glad that you did."

He smiled, and than looked somewhere into my chest for a second. When his
eyes returned to mine, he was serious all over again:

"Nicki...I am very sorry that I hurt you," he said, in such a solemn voice
that I had to raise my eyebrows at him. But he remained serious; he meant
every word he said, every letter.

"I'm not that fragile...I was convinced that I was the one who hurt you! I
will -... I will never do something like that. I --"

He shut me up by grabbing my face, and planting his lips on me, giving
himself to me, pressing his whole body into mine. I held him by his hips,
feeling the wonderful warmth of his tongue exploring my mouth as he was
hungrily asking for more, moving me to the core. All the problems, all the
worries started to fade away, and I could calm down and let go, holding
what was most important in my life right now, right here in my arms.



(Matt's point of view)

When Nicholas and I came back from our long walk, we were welcomed with a
pleasant surprise. My father had started the fire in the living room
fireplace, and now the whole place was harmonious oasis of comfort and
coziness. It was a perfect condition for my overworked mind. Both of my
parents greeted us, as we walked in, rubbing our hands that were tingling
from freezing air.

"Finally...I was getting worried," said my mother, putting down the book
that she was reading.

"We weren't out for that long...did we?" I shoot a look at Nicki, who just
shrugged his shoulders. The concept of time was forgotten by both of us. My
mom smiled mysteriously at me as she passed me on her way to the kitchen.

"Where did you guys go?" My dad chimed in.

"Oh, just by the river. It was nice and quiet there," I answered, sitting
down with Nicki on the sofa. "Thank you for starting the fire, dad...it's
nice in here,"

"Yes, I finally got him to turn the TV off," said my mother, walking back
in the room. She was carrying two cups of hot cocoa, and she handed them to
Nicki and me.

"Thank you," said Nicholas, wrapping his hands around the mug and taking a
sip. "This really hits the spot," he nodded with gratitude.

"Well I have to do something to get you guys warm since my foolish son had
taken you both to see the penguins," my mom sighed, trying to sound
stern. I rolled my eyes at her and sipped my cocoa.

"Oh, it was actually quite nice out there," said Nicholas." I like your
town."

My dad mumbled something in response, poking the fire. Two of them started
the conversation about the cars that shifted somehow onto the football and
than onto baseball. They might as well speak in some foreign language to
me. I was just sitting there, almost getting annoyed by the fact that I was
not able to participate in any part of the conversation, so I got up and
went to the kitchen to get more cocoa. My mom was there, tidying the
place. I sat on the bar stool next to the counter and placed my mug on it.

"Well, what are you going to do now?" my mom asked me.

"Um, go to bed, I guess," I responded to her, somewhat confused with her
question.

"No, with your school, silly," she shook her head.

I paused for a moment. I knew that she is asking me for both my dad and
her, and I didn't want to respond too hastingly. And besides that, I wanted
to be truthful to her as well as to me with my answer.

"I..." I paused, still ruminating thoughts in my head. I knew the answer,
but I wanted to be sure.

"I want to go back," I looked up at my mother. She nodded, not saying a
word and continued to put dishes away.

I relaxed in my seat, thinking about my decision. The more I thought about
it, the more it felt right. I smiled. A new semester, and a new
beginning. And I liked the looks of it.

My dad walked into the kitchen, followed by Nicholas.

"Well, its getting late for me. I'm going to bed; its been a long day," he
exclaimed to no one in particular, but it was clear what he was saying.

"Yeah, I better be off to; its getting late," said Nicholas, looking
somewhere aside. Not at my parents. And not at me.

Nervousness up surged in me: "You are...leaving?"

"Well, I need to find a hotel for tonight," he continued, this time
glancing at me, with something in his eyes that I couldn't read.

I shook my head, not able to form words. The things started to boil in my
head, insecurities that I thought that I buried deeper within me. The
moment from couple days ago reenacted in my head. The moment I woke alone
in my bed, realizing that Nicholas choose to stay on the couch instead with
me, him chasing me away at his place, and his hesitation to be in my bed
with me from this morning -- all those thoughts were churning in a
confusion that was clouding my mind. I looked at him, still confused by his
words. Luckily, my mom jumped in:

"Hotel? That is completely out of question! You are our guest and there is
no way that I would allow you to go and sleep in hotel. And no, I won't
take no for an answer!" my mom scowled at Nicholas.

"No, I don't want to be a burden, Ms. Hartwell...I have troubled you folks
enough and --"

My mom didn't let him finish: "You are really working hard to offend me,
don't you Nicholas? You are staying here tonight, and that's final." My mom
finished with a tone of voice that didn't leave place for an argument.

"I wouldn't argue with her, Nicholas," my dad said in half-voice, but loud
enough for everybody to hear. He leaned to Nicholas, in a very conspiring
gesture and with a smirk on his face: "I've been married to her for twenty
years and she is the most stubborn, non-compromising woman --"

A kitchen towel hit my dad straight across the face, stopping him in mid of
his rant. I glanced at my mom, who was smiling at my dad:

"You better get going, mister. You just lost your morning coffee
privilege," she mockingly frowned at him.

"Well, I guess I better be off, before I lose any more privileges tonight,"
my dad winked at my mom.

"Will you two stop embarrassing me!" I yelled. I was still concern, not
knowing what was Nicholas `s preference. My dad beckoned with his hand at us
in mock displease, walking away. I turned to Nicholas, and said slowly,
looking him straight into his eyes:

"You can sleep wherever you want...but I would like if you stayed here." I
looked at him, earnestly.

He nodded. I placed my hands on his hips, still looking into his eyes. I
could see that he was relaxing.

"Okay...but I think I should stay on the couch. I don't think it would
be...appropriate for me to sleep in your room," he finished. I opened my
mouth to protest, but I realized that he was right. My parents were never
accustomed to something like that, so it was better to take it slowly. No
matter how painfully slowly that might be. Or how painfully slowly it felt
like. I nodded, and smiled. I leaned into him and placed my other hand on
his hip, bringing him closer to me. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to kiss
him so badly!  But with my mom just few feet behind us, the situation was
somewhat awkward, so I reluctantly stayed away from those beautiful lips.

"Okay then, that's settled," my mom chimed in from behind me. "Jimmy, could
you get some linen for Nicholas?" she addressed my dad, who was sorting
through the mail in the hallway.

"Thank you, mom," I half turned my head, still in Nicholas's arms. "And thank
you...for staying here," I continued more quietly, looking back at him.

 He smiled at me, and without hesitation, he kissed me, right there, in
front of my mother. And I didn't care. I returned his brief kiss.

"Will you two stop embarrassing me?" I heard my dad's voice from the
stairs. I shook my head and looked upstairs, but he already disappeared
from the sight.

"I like your family...they are funny," Nicholas smiled at me. I nodded,
smirking.



(Nicholas's point of view)

I was sitting on the couch in the Matt's parent's living room, staring at
the fire that was dying in the fireplace. Everybody else went to bed, but
the sleep was not coming to me. Despite the fact that I was in Matt's
house, and him being in his room not far off, it felt as if he was too far
away. I wanted to sleep with him next to me, but at the same time, I knew
that would make everybody uncomfortable. "You just met his
parents...sleeping in his bed would be awkward," I mused. Rationalizing did
not help. I still missed him.

Badly.

Matt's dad brought me some blankets and a pillow before he went upstairs,
and than both Matt and his mom linger around for few minutes as well until
both of them said their goodnights to me. I was very grateful for the
invitation to stay; Matt's parent's house was a very inviting place, and I
felt very welcomed in here. Staring at the flames that were dancing slowly
around burned logs, a comical thought came up to me: "So you traveled
thousand miles...just to sleep alone again," I smiled silently. Still,
despite the fact that I was not physically with Matt at that moment, I felt
very peaceful. My quest was over, and my heart was still now. I nodded
slowly. The feeling of completion and inner peace was filling me with
warmth, just as I was still feeling a heath that was still coming from a
fireplace.

A light shuffle interrupted my thoughts. I turned around. To my surprise,
it was Donna who appeared in the living room.

"Can't sleep?" she asked, quietly. I shook my head.

"I guess that afternoon nap disrupted my clock," I smiled at her.

She came and sat next to me. For the next couple minutes, neither of us
spoke, just watching at the flames that were casting flickering light over
the room.

"This is the first time in years that we met one of Matt's friends. You
have to forgive to James and me for acting odd," she said.

"Oh, Ms. Hartwell...you are not acting odd at all. I thing that both of you
are great," I smiled at her.

She nodded, and continued to stare at the fire for several long moments. I
sensed that there was a reason for her pause, as well for her appearance
here so late. She sighed, and spoke, quietly:

"Matthew is our only child. Ever since he was born, we were very protective
about him. Especially after we found out...after he told us about his
choice. Both James and I knew that he would have exceptionally hard time in
his life because of that. And when he announced that he wants to go to
college so far away from home, we were...besides our selves. Me
especially." She became quiet again. I remained silent, just listening as
she spoke again:

"So when he mentioned that he met somebody there, I was glad...and
concerned at the same time. Matt is very closed, and to hear him describing
someone with such a fascination was --" she was seeking for word:
"...unusual. Then I started to hear more and more, and the more I was
hearing, the more worried I got. And than when he came back home, all that
I was fretting about...all that became true. Matt came back as a shadow of
himself. My boy was...gone. Physically, he came back, but he looked as if
he left his heart behind him."

Donna sighed again. I was still just staring at the fire, knowing exactly
how much pain I inflicted on this family.

"And little that I knew -- that was true. And for the first time in my
life, I couldn't find the words to console him." Matt's mother looked at
me, making me to look back at her.

"And then I open the door this morning, and I see a stranger...that I
actually knew." She smiled. "Honestly Nicholas, when I saw you this morning
and I figured who you are, I was on the verge to send you back. But then
again, we all make mistakes, so I did let you in."

We both chuckled at her remark, noticing the double meaning of her
words. She quieted down again, making another long pause before she spoke
again, more quiet:

"Matthew is only thing James and I got on this world. To see him hurt as he
was...was unbearable. But at the same time, when I see him next to you, and
I see how happy he is -- how happy both of you are," she corrected herself
" makes me one very, very happy mother."

She looked at me again and than she extended her hand to caress the back of
my head in very motherly and loving way: "And I only hope that you two can
continue to bring happiness into my life," she finished.

My throat was constricted with emotions. I was so deeply moved with her
words that I couldn't find my own.

"Thank you, Donna...I -- I hope that that will be the case," I finally
managed to speak.

"I'm very glad that I met you and James. Now I know where Matt got his
manners and upbringing," I continued.

Matt's mom ruffled my hair in response:

"You better get some sleep. It's getting late," she said as she got
up. "Have a good night, Nicholas," she smiled at me from the living room
doorway.

"Good night, Ms Hartwell," I replied, and added after a brief pause: "And
thank you for the cocoa."

She nodded at me, smiling, and went upstairs.

We both knew that it wasn't just a cocoa that I was thanking her for.



End of ch. 17.